For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

~Psalm 27:5

Today we are mourning the great loss of life in the Southeastern US... most notably in Eastern Mississippi and Western Alabama. I am happy to say that our relatives there escaped, but not unscathed. Our cousin, Chris, received a severe blow to the head as he covered his family with his body in their Pleasant Grove, AL basement. Chris, Mandy, Logan and Lindsey are going to be fine, but their house is gone. Please pray for this family. Logan and Lindsey are only six years old. I can't imagine what these babies are feeling right now. They may not even be able to give a name to what they're feeling, but I'm sure they're terrified. Thank God they have a father willing to sacrifice his own life for them. I'm sure Chris didn't have time to think about what he was doing for his children in that moment, but he certainly illustrated to them an earthly picture of the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us.

The devastation throughout Northern Alabama is overwhelming and we feel powerless to know what to do at this time. I found myself praying almost constantly today. Perhaps Jonathan's waking last night was God's gentle nudge to pray them through last night. Thankfully, Chris and Mandy live in the same community with their parents, our Aunt Lourie and Uncle Thomas. Their home was virtually unscathed. The twins are often at their grandparent's home, so I'm sure it feels almost as much like home as their own. Lourie and Thomas have some of the warmest and biggest hearts around. I'm sure they are all so thankful to be alive and together. We are VERY thankful they survived and we're praying about ways to help. The photo above is courtesy of Stephanie Johnson (my sis-in-law). One of her friends took this picture of a tornado in NE Mississippi. This is the tornado that ultimately hit Smithfield, MS. Mom and Dad Allen are heading from Tupelo, MS to Pleasant Grove, AL first thing tomorrow morning to ferry supplies and administer hugs and kisses. Often, I wish we lived nearer our families... but especially at times like this. I wouldn't feel so useless.

Here's a little Mississippian having a some Easter ice cream. This is my adorable niece, Kirbie Pearl! I am anxious for Jonathan to get big enough to play with his cousins. She calls Jonathan "Baby Joshthanan." Too cute! We're sure thankful that she and her Mamma and Daddy are safe and sound!

In more joyful news, we just found out that my friends, Christi and Josh, will be having a baby boy in September! Christi and Josh lost their precious baby, Addison Laine, due to birth complications on November 2nd last year. God has blessed them again... and quickly. We are so thankful for this precious baby boy. I'll see Christi tomorrow and hope to get her started getting ready for her baby boy with some boy things I'd bought up... just in case (smile). Another baby boy will be gracing the Sanders household right around the same time that baby Williams and baby Womack arrive. Uncle Josh and Aunt Cyndi are having a girl... baby Nora. That's going to be one busy stork! Here's little Nora Lynn - another sweet niece!!!

More reason for excitement... I received part of Jonathan's diaper order this afternoon. I've been using two diaper covers and cheap trifolds from Wal Mart. This should make things easier and make it possible for me to put him in cloth all day long. Up 'til now, he's been in disposables overnight. I also received a bottle of Dr. Bronner's Organic Unscented Baby Mild Pure Castile Soap. I had a little bottle of Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil (courtesy of Aunt Stephanie) to mix with it... added some water and voila... cloth wipes solution! It smells fantastic! I soaked some baby wash cloths with it, wrung them out and placed them in my wipes warmer. I also put a little of the solution into a small spray bottle for the diaper bag.

Jonathan had been having some tummy trouble. It seems he has a slow system... inherited from his Mommy. Naturally, now that he's in cloth diapers, the flood gates have opened. The cloth diapers are containing everything thank goodness, and the cloth wipes seem to be working well! I did a little more research and found some biodegradable inserts that can be flushed with a septic system. I may have to order those and use the others when we make it to San Antonio. Up 'til the last few days, I haven't had to do any diaper dunking. I got to make up for that yesterday and today. Eeewwwww!

I am still trying to find the gumption to make some home made bread with my freshly milled wheat flour. Maybe tomorrow? Apparently humidity is good for bread baking, and we've got that in abundance right now. I've never been much of a cook, and although my skills have greatly improved since I married into the Allen family and received some pointers from Mamma Allen, I'm still woefully inept. We'll see what happens! If nothing else, we'll be trying blueberry pancakes with the flour sometime this weekend. I made salmon croquettes with it a few nights ago and they were my best yet! Thanks Melissa!

So Jonathan is pulling up on anything and everything, eating like a horse (and doing other things like a horse), making the sweetest little sounds... like Mamma... THE sweetest sound ever to my ears... and just generally being the cutest, sweetest, most precious baby boy alive... except when he gets his Mamma up every other hour. This is only about every night for the past three weeks folks. I look like death, but I keep telling myself that one day, I'm going to wish for the days when I could just hold him and rock him... so I hold him and rock him and hold him and rock him some more... and try to forget about the fact that I'm going to be dead on my feet in the morning... and try to remember that I will never get these precious moments back. Heaven on earth! Here he is waving, "Bye, Bye!"

Easter Sunday - 2011

Easter Sunday 2011 was utterly beautiful, not only because the weather was so unseasonably warm and we saw not a cloud in the sky, but Jason and I actually got to sleep most of last night. For you seasoned parents out there, you know that one night of average sleep doesn't really do much for the sleep deficit, but it helps just a little.

Here in North Carolina, many churches process into the sanctuary with armloads of flowers to decorate a cross at the altar. A rough-hewn structure about the height of an average-sized man is transformed into something really beautiful and meaningful in the space of about fifteen minutes. An added Easter blessing... today was the first day I had roses, so I cut one for each of us to place, some rosemary for remembrance and some sage for salvation/ healing.

The Easter bunny paid a visit to Jonathan last night, leaving a little stuffed bunny and the book, Guess How Much I Love You. Jonathan enjoyed looking at his Easter cards from Mr. Josh and Ms. Christi, from Giggie and Bop and from Aunt Lou. He also had a ball playing with all the kids in the nursery this morning. Often, he's the only baby there, so it's always a treat for him to have someone to play with. Although he took about a three hour nap when we got home from church, he still sacked out early tonight. He played hard in the nursery today!

Jason and I each had roles in the Easter presentation today. Jason was the beginning reader and I sang a small solo. The solo was my favorite part of one of my favorite songs...

"Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?

And who told the ocean, you can only come this far?

And who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening?

Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

I know my Redeemer lives,

Yes I know my Redeemer lives.

All of creation testifies, this life within me cries,

I know my Redeemer lives."

~Nicole C. Mullen

I've had a life-long struggle with public performance. As I've aged, I've learned to give up that struggle by stages, but I still deal with the jitters when I sing or play for folks. I was able to totally let loose the other night at rehearsal, but today, the nerves got the better of me just a little. Someday I hope I'll be able to completely get beyond myself and find that place where I can worship God with no other thought, but I'm still getting to that place. It didn't help that Joan's reading just before my song was so moving and so beautifully done that I could hardly hold back the tears as the music began to play. For such a small choir in such a small country church, I'd say the presentation went extraordinarily well and I pray someone's heart was touched for eternity by the Scripture and music presented today.

We were invited to have lunch with some sweet friends, but after the crazy week/weekend we had (the open house that no one visited but the realtor), we opted to come home and lay low the rest of the afternoon. We did pop out long enough to take a little walk and grab an ice cream cone this evening.

This week promises to be more of the same crazy busy overwhelming fun that we've been enjoying here this year, but we're getting a little more laid back about it. I'm about done with the constant cleaning. If it shows and it's messy... so be it. We really want to take a day at the beach and maybe another day at Williamsburg and Yorktown. I'm ready to get moved, slow down and just be... but I sure will miss this place, this house, this neighborhood and the NC folks we love like family. I can hardly believe that one month from today, Mom, Jonathan and I will hit the road.

STUFF...

Just wanted to add a little something to yesterday's post. Looking back over... it sounds edgy and judgemental. Right about move time, I declare all out war on Stuff. Stuff is my antithesis. The very word makes me cringe. It seems to indicate, all on its own that it has to be "stuffed" somewhere. I try to keep Stuff at bay during the short time we're anywhere, but somehow it still manages to creep in and take over my life. Move time is the time when I realize how annoying STUFF can really be. I am literally overwhelmed by Stuff and all that Stuff has to be sorted, organized, packed, donated, sold and moved. Stuff steals my joy (and the extra time I might have had to spend with friends or exploring the place we're about to leave).

Please note... my attitude toward Stuff should not be construed as judgement over your attitude toward Stuff. If you and Stuff have a good relationship, I'm happy for you! If we ever get settled somewhere for more than three years, I may learn to embrace, maybe even love Stuff. Until then, Stuff and I will remain bitter enemies.

Cloth Diapers and Other Fun...

It's 8:45 pm and I'm just getting to this part of my Monday. To anyone who thinks that staying at home with your kid involves loads of free time to watch Oprah and even more time to chow down on bon bons... well... try it for a few weeks and then let me know what you think. Here's some proof that it's simply not so.

All of my clothes are too big for me... even the tiny, pre-pregnancy clothes that I couldn't even squeeze into a couple of years before I got pregnant. You know... those jeans you keep around year after year thinking one fine day you'll be able to fit in them again. That day is here folks! This may be my toughest job to date... and I taught junior high!

Maybe Christian conservative/ environmentalist are conflicting terms, but I have strong tendencies toward both... and I personally don't think they should conflict. I guess the strongest tendency I have is toward a simpler, more sincere, more clutter-free world. I know. Linus. But Linus was really on to something I think!

I love that Jonathan is growing up on furniture that my Mom grew up with... that I grew up with... even some that my friends grew up with. The super-practical/ frugal side of me loves that I didn't pay for it! The computer table I'm typing at is a hand-made drop-leaf table that a friend's great grandfather made in Maine. I can't believe he didn't want to keep it, and it's his if he ever wants to re-claim it... but I LOVE that it's holding up my computer right now. I don't really enjoy buying junk. I like inheriting treasures.

On the other hand, at times I HATE that I catch myself buying stuff just to buy stuff. It's just stuff! It might be on sale... it might be cheap, but it's more stuff to make things more complicated, it doesn't make me happier and it junks up my life. I'm amazed sometimes at how many articles of clothing I have, my son has, my husband has... and I only wear a fraction of it. I bought it... it made me happy for about two hours and now it's gathering dust.

We definitely live in a "throw society"... and I willingly buy into it all the time. Everything is mass produced and is tossed aside when fashion trends change the next season. It's hard to find anything real and authentic anymore. If I've got it, chances are, at least 5,000 other someones have it too. Of course, like everyone else, I can be a complete hypocrite. We have a lot of the junk parents buy their kids hoping they'll walk earlier or talk earlier or read faster. Even this cloth diaper thing seems to have a trendy edge to it lately. In my own defense, I didn't realize it was becoming trendy when I began researching it before Jonathan was born... or even when I started re-investigating last month.

I got so overwhelmed with all the available products, the initial cost and my concern that I wouldn't be able to keep up with it, that I opted to start with disposables when Jonathan was a newborn. We had sooooo many boxes of disposables given to us (THANK YOU!), we're really just now, at ten months, running out of them. Sure we bought several boxes here and there, but, comparatively speaking, we've really spent very little on diapers and wipes.

Okay - done venting - thanks for letting me get on my soap box for a minute...

So, being the hypocrite I am, I got on Amazon and read reviews on the priciest and most economical diaper systems (Econobuns - Ha! Ha! - Seriously?). After hours and hours of baby gear research (hypocrite), you recognize a familiar trend. People tend to tell you what they end up settling on after trying this and that based on economy and quality. I love reviewers! I found a mid-range cloth diaper system that is actually a US Cottage Industry. Cool huh!?!?! Folks sew these diaper covers and inserts in their own homes and then send them to a distributor. The company urges customers to buy their products locally from small business owners and then gives a little on-line economics lesson on how that philosophy helps the US economy.

I registered for and received some tri-fold cloth diapers at our church shower. My intention was to use them as burp cloths (Jonathan was never much of a burper.) and then maybe try them later as diapers. I have been using them at meal times to wipe his mouth, high chair and tray, and now, finally, they are being used to diaper him. Last week, I bought two adjustable diaper covers... kind of like the plastic covers I grew up in only made from breathable fabric and adjustable from 18-40 lbs. I also bought a completely biodegradable roll of 100 disposable inserts. One reviewer mentioned that these can be machine washed at least once. Believe it or not, Jonathan has used one three times now! These keep you from having to handle anything extremely unsavory. I'll buy a couple more covers, a couple of fitted diapers for night time use, a few doublers and I bought another package of tri-folds today... $1 per diaper. But that's really all the initial expense... probably around $120 total. That adds up to about six boxes of disposables.

Cloth diapers definitely need to be changed a bit more frequently, but they also provide more cushioning on a tiny-hiney when a kitchen chair pull up attempt goes south. Cloth diapers need to be washed... daily... but so far that has forced me to get all my other laundry done early in the day so I can start the diaper soak a.s.a.p. in the morning... and I don't have "other" laundry every day. Because you really do need to dump the "unsavories" into the toilet after a diaper change, your house stays smelling good. Disposable diapers are the third largest contribution to US landfills. Cloth diapers can save a family up to $2000. Wow! It's really not much more difficult than normal diaper changes. In fact... that's one less REALLY big, heavy garbage bag for me to lug to the dump every week. My next adventure... using cloth wipes! Seriously!

In other news, my friend, Melissa, is going to teach me to grind grain... to make my own flour... to make my own bread... and pancakes... and cinnamon rolls... and muffins. :o) She's been doing it for over seven years (I think) with tremendous benefits to her family's health. We plan to wait to try our hand at it until we get moved, but we've been buying and eating Ezekiel bread for the last couple of weeks and we've both noticed a difference in our heath. In fact, Jonathan fed himself a little chicken and Ezekiel bread at dinner tonight and he loved it!

Giggie and Bop sent an Easter package that arrived today. It was filled with adorable little outfits for Jonathan, a very cute Easter card and a nice little stash of magazines for me (a luxury these days since I don't subscribe to or buy magazines much anymore)! I think the plaid with the green polo is my favorite. ;o) Thanks Giggie and Bop! Granny Dee and Pappa Jack sent out our old VHS videos of Peter Pan, The Jungle Book and The Wind in the Willows. We had a great time watching those this weekend.

Jonathan is pulling up on everything and getting into everything else. It's increasingly more difficult to keep up with this little guy, especially since our sleep deficit seems to be increasing at the same rate. This teething thing really bites! :o) I pride myself on having things extremely organized and arranged before a move. I've done almost nothing to prepare for this move and it's on our doorstep... five weeks people! Easter is next Sunday. Open house Saturday. Work farewells... church functions... friend farewells... community garage sale... doctors appointments... one-year b-day party... HELP! At some point I'll be breathing a sigh of relief on the other side of this. I keep reminding myself that we'll be on the other side very soon every other second when I start to panic again. This is not fun.

Jonathan is fun though. I try to stop and just enjoy him as much as I can. I love that he is totally unaware of all the chaos around him. He's totally wrapped up in growing, loving and being loved. He trusts that all is well. Maybe that's why "Jesus Loves the Little Children." Maybe, for once in my adult life, I might just try to be like one of them.

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

~Julian of Norwich

It's Monday and it's already been a week! Jason, Jonathan and I are all extremely sleep deprived. I thought all those all-nighters I pulled in college might have prepared me for this. Truth is - nothing could have prepared me for this level of exhaustion. Josh and Cyndi - take note!

I'll make this short. It's 2 pm and no realtors have called. I'm making the bold assumption that if they haven't called by now, they won't call today.

The Allen family skipped church yesterday and slept... and slept... and slept some more. This morning, after another, albeit easier, night of little sleep, Jonathan and I got ready and went to the pediatrician's office. As we assumed, most of Jonathan's sleep issues are really teething issues. He does have a slight cold but NO EAR INFECTION. Yeaaaaaahhhhhh! Congestion is keeping the little guy from sleeping laying flat in his crib. Poor baby. Jonathan is now napping and sleeping some in his toddler seat. We put him down in his crib initially every night (don't want to get out of that habit!), but if he won't be soothed in the crib, he's picked up, cuddled for a bit and laid in his seat. Often he goes right to sleep there.

On Thursday, Jonathan will be ten months old. Tomorrow we go to the dentist and Friday we have Easter pictures made. Aside from terrorizing the household at night, we have a few new tricks and favorites. We love to play with and rip paper and we're a big fan of balls. We are also getting acquainted with the word "no." Jonathan knows what it means, but he's not sure he always wants us to know that he knows what it means. I have to say, he can be very good about obeying... when he's in the mood.

Today I found him with a particularly interesting book. :o) I promise he took it off the shelf all by himself.

Our new favorite diversion... pulling up on the mega-sized toilet paper package we brought home from Wally World the other day. This is sooooo uncharacteristic of me, but it's such a hit that it's staying in the living room floor until we have to start using it (or until the house shows again).

We're getting super fast with this crawling thing and we're shaking our head no. Mom is trying to teach the yes gesture, but with no success. The bottom two teeth are definitely in and the top two are on their way.

Off to clean house!

Life In Limbo...

Moving has become a norm with the Allen family. It is to be expected that every 2nd or 3rd year, we will be on our way to another destination. In some ways, this kind of life suits us. But sometimes, we each long to put down a nice deep tap root somewhere. As usual, the calendar for our final months is busting at the seams. We're exhausted already and have no idea how we are going to come up with the energy for all of the social engagements, doctors appointments, and packing/organizing sessions. On top of that, the yard still needs to stay mowed, the beds need to stay weeded, the house needs to stay clean and meals still need to be prepared. We'll get there though and as usual, we'll be energized by visits with folks we've come to love like family.

Just about three months before our scheduled pack out date, I start into some hard core reminiscing. Stanley was with us when we arrived here and spent 19 glorious months with us. I miss him terribly and imagine him playing with other fur angels in Elysium, white fur flying... that precious puppy smile on his face... racing through the grass with wild abandon. I remember all the walks we took in this little neighborhood... a neighborhood that was specifically chosen for its aptness for strolling and its numerous empty lots for puppy potty breaks. The constant breezes off the Atlantic, the roses that bloom profusely here, our little garden, the moon over the goldenrod in late September, the song of the owls and the finches in the woods beyond our house, late afternoons swinging, talking and laughing on a neighbor's porch... they all paint a picture of three lovely years spent in a very lovely place.

I think about the morning we realized that Jonathan was on his way and the afternoons and evenings spent decorating a nursery and researching baby gear. I think back to early mornings in late June... trying to catch some z's on the recliner while holding a precious tiny baby boy, Jason asleep on the love seat and Mom asleep on the couch... Kenny Loggins singing...

"Christopher Robin and I walked along

Under branches lit up by the moon.

Posing our questions to Owl and Eyore

As our days disappeared all too soon."

Indeed, the "days disappear all too soon." This week we served at our final breakfast hour at Salem Church. I have three more choir practices and will sing in one more Easter service. Jason will teach three more Sunday School lessons and we'll see our friends and church family just a few more times. In less than 60 days, we will leave Jonathan's first home and Stanley's final home forever.

"How fading are the joys we dote upon!

Like apparitions seen and gone.

But those which soonest take their flight

Are those most exquisite and strong,-

Like angels' visits short and bright;

Mortality's too weak to bear them long."

~John Norris

What a bummer, right? Time to liven up this post. Jonathan is into everything!!! Everything that he's not supposed to be getting into that is. He is crawling and pulling up. He's a riot! Unfortunately, he takes after his Mamma and he doesn't know when to quit. Mamma and Daddy are hurting they're so sleep deprived. Jonathan likes to practice his moves at all hours of the day and night. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to get himself back into a sleeping position once he's standing or on all fours in his crib. He's also developed quite a will. Unloading his toy baskets and clearing all the DVDs out of the TV cabinet are his favorite activities these days.

Our favorite food this week... blueberries! And not the pureed, watered down kind. They're not quite as good unless Jonathan can get them all over his hands, face, ears, nose, clothing, Mommy and high chair. I finally gave in and have scheduled a professional photo sitting for him (with a live bunny) for next Friday. I'm also trying to figure out exactly how to plan a traveling birthday party for a nearly one-year-old. Should be interesting!

This is unrelated, but I thought it was too cute not to share. This was one of Jason's birthday gifts to me last week. In case you can't see the small print, Jason, the CFO of our house has signed over to me the right to go nuts when I purchase Jonathan's next car seat... if I ever settle on one that is...

And so - good night!