Sorting it all Out

I believe I will look back on my life and remember this season very fondly. Home-educating our children is a delight, and it fills a need for purpose in me that has been missing for some time. There is an insecurity in early motherhood that I never expected to experience. And boy oh boy, did I experience it! But, with the Lord's help and the kindness of other mamas (a direct extension of the Lord's mercy I think), I'm slowly growing out of that phase.

Everyone says the first year of home school is the hardest. If that's the case, I'm going to love this ride. For the first time in my life, I think I've found my niche. I won't pretend that it hasn't been difficult at times. It definitely has. But we're only two-and-a-half months from finishing our curriculum for the year and we're still going strong. God-willing, this will be our life until our children start their college education or head straight into a career.

Mel loves babies. Human babies, animal babies, baby dolls, baby books and lullabies

Throughout my school career, I was never able to nail down an interest that I could stick with. It's not that I'd become uninterested in a specific subject. It's just that I'd find out something about it that would trail over into something else that was equally as interesting. For example: during an in-depth study on Texas Empresarios for a big history paper, I found out that a number of German botanists were drawn to the sheer variety of plants native to central Texas. Several of them became the land agents (empresarios) that settled the Texas Hill Country. They also brought freedom to many who were in danger during a time when Germany, a region of loose principalities, was trying to nationalize. 

So, the next semester, this gal changed her major to botany. I loved it! But then that tapped into a love for The Language of Flowers, art (while illustrating an herbarium), and British literature which led to another changed major. Nevermind that the whole business started out in the music department. My humanities courses were so amazing - a course designed especially, however unintentionally, for the undecided. Literature, science, history, math, art and music all rolled into one perfect course that lasted an entire year! And if there had been a humanities major available at the time, I'd probably have been able to stick with that one. In seminary, I started in the same place - Church Music. I didn't end up anywhere because I never finished. But the 21 hours I did complete were mostly devoted to Church History. I was three-quarters of the way through a master's thesis before I threw in the towel. Such a waste... or so I thought.

climbing in a ring of pines

Although severe jealousy of the green-eyed monster variety has never been a struggle for me, I've always been a tad envious of the friend who started in pre-med. and has become an internist. I've looked with longing eyes at the mama who, even in her teenage years, couldn't wait to take on that role in her life. I've even felt a twinge of envy for the teacher who was so natural and who knew, without a doubt, that teaching was her art. All she wanted to do in childhood was "play school". I've never been that sure about anything (Except Jason, Jonathan, Melanie and a little soul already with God - but that's another story!). I was not the girl who went to college for her MRS degree. In fact, I came to a place in life where I wasn't even sure I wanted to be married. I had several careers in mind, and I wanted to try them all!

My insatiable curiosity is God-given. I'm beginning think that he loves that I love his penchant for variety, even though that love has left me a little directionless. I deeply admire God's infinite creativity. And I think he might laugh a little (OK, maybe a lot.) at the way I get so overwhelmed by the fact that I have this big crochet project sitting in pieces on my dresser, a very large pile of books on my nightstand, a box of curriculum on the floor by that same nightstand, copies of hymns laying inside the cover of my Bible for the kids to learn at breakfast and a whole pad of graph paper with sketches of a hoped-for garden, drawn from several angles in my imagination. What's really overwhelming about all that is that this girl also finds a lot of joy in order. Those piles assault my senses.

garden planning

My kiddos have been studying through a weekly curriculum/co-op called Classical Conversations and a Charlotte Mason inspired curriculum that we do almost exclusively at home. Classical Conversations reminds me a bit of those humanities courses I loved. I've struggled with it though. I have such a fondness for this laid-back, calm home curriculum that involves read-alouds from good books with amazing authors (Rudyard Kipling, William J. Bennett, John Ruskin, James Herriot, Robert Louis Stevenson). I've managed to make them work together so far, but I want to do a better job at a much gentler pace.

This mind of mine works inward. The big, somewhat nebulous picture comes first. Only then can I begin to decipher the intricacies and details that bring the big picture into focus. I memorize based on how each fact relates to another... how each subject flows into the center.

"nothing hidden"

I have a boy who has a talent for memorization and a girl who needs to socialize and to mother. They need CC. I need CC. I love the women I get to see every week. I love these children that I imagine will go forward together in ministry and in the beauty and grace their parents are so carefully cultivating in them.

My kids are the loves of my life and I want to get this thing right. I can't imagine how my life would be now if I'd had my wish so long ago to remain "free" through the duration of it. I doubt it would have felt much like freedom.

Jonathan surprised me the other day while looking through a little book on Ancient Egypt that I picked up at the British Museum over twenty years ago. "I want to be this kind of scientist Mama." I looked over from the book I had my nose in and said, "What kind?" Jonathan replied, "You know, the kind that finds mummies and digs around by Mt. Vesuvius."

Jonathan presenting his Lego creation at CC

And that's what I love about this life. These kids have a chance to hone in on a favorite thing. We, as a family, can start investing now in the interests that define who our kids are and how they will positively impact the world. I can try my hardest to come up with the perfect thing for them, the perfect curriculum. But God already attended to that. My very inability to decide, my eclectic approach, may be the very thing that eventually exposes them to the interest that will direct their life and their service to God. And thankfully the Lord even saw fit to provide them with a Daddy who has more than a firm grasp on numbers and grammar!

dancing

I realize that I am but a little surface in a prism throwing rainbow light into eternity. And our children and our husbands, our friends and our family are all a part of that lovely prism. Some of us reflect a single color so vividly. Some of us are that indescribable, un-named color in between. But in our in-between-ness we bind those primary colors together. We become vivid in our own right. He has a purpose for it. Can I trust Him to help in this constant state of overwhelmed? All of that education was God's preparation for the education of our babies. It was all for Jonathan and Melanie... all for his glory. This love for geography, botany, archaeology, words, music, art - this constant inability to pick a favorite should lend very well to answering the curiosity of our children. It finally makes sense! {smile}