Introverted Mom Review

 Less than a week ago I wrote a very long post in the midst of some weirdness I tend to experience a few times a year when I run up against a schedule that, over a period of many months, doesn't allow for enough down time to write and process in quiet and solitude. I glanced over that post again tonight after the kiddos were in their beds and I could hardly believe what I read. It was actually decent writing, but I had to concede that it wasn't ready to post, even with the tiny audience this little blog attracts.  I wound up pulling that post down a few hours after writing it because it contained a lot of soul-wrenching language leading to some definitive decision-making for our family that was long overdue. When those loose ends are left dangling in my heart, it can have a very negative effect over time.  I'm slowly learning that when I don't give myself margin to get my thoughts out into a place where I can visualize and order them, I get a bit emotionally unstable, I start to feel freighted with anxiety, and I very definitely start experiencing strange and unpleasant physical symptoms. My journal is getting worn out this month, and a couple of my friends have received emails too long to read (much less process). To those friends, "Thank you, and I apologize." 😳

The book, Introverted Mom,  came to me close to the end of the busiest part of the busy season we're still occupying around here. While I continue to wrestle with its message, I do believe that when something this specifically relevant becomes available in such a timely fashion, when it offers hope and relief after months of prayerfully asking for hope and relief,  it is most likely a gift from God. I finished it today. I loved it. I wish I could have coffee with the author because I've learned to love her through her words, and I want/need/crave more of her wisdom. I feel strongly though that, although Jamie Martin has pointed me down a correct path, my reliance should be on the Holy Spirit to direct me over the rocky places and through the snarls that still await.

Here's where I'm still struggling. Where do we separate what is our natural bent (our sinful, natural man) from what is intended as a gift to bring gifts to others? Is introversion a natural/sinful inclination? I think it could be like any character quality that is misused, misguided, and misdirected. I can completely understand why the ascetics were able to cloister themselves on rocky islands and in caves for years on end. I have an undeniable yearning to pack a suitcase full of books, paper, pens, and pencils and find a distant cave right now. I get it. However, I think that's taking introversion to sinful extremes... except that some historians credit those same men with the salvation of western civilization and the preservation of the Gospel through the period between the fall of Rome and the beginning of the medieval period. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. Read How the Irish Saved Civilization to get a broader explanation/interpretation on that subject (Thomas Cahill - I think?). Men with those same tendencies were responsible for all those scrolls in the caves at Qumran. I could cite a veritable library on that one. I've got a near-complete master's thesis sitting in my attic on that very subject. And man, oh man does it excite me.

Clearly I've been doing some soul searching on this. I don't mean to make it an overwhelming preoccupation with self, but I do feel the need to tease this out and find ways to create margin for those giftings. If I don't, how can I help my kiddos find theirs? If I'm lost and alone on the path, how do I point the ones who depend on me in the right direction? If this is a gift to be used to the glory of my Creator and the edification of others He created, then I want to stop despising that gift and start fine-tuning it for Him.

The place where I struggle most is in mothering an extrovert. While I tend to be a sensitive soul, I can be selfish and highly insensitive in my need for a quiet space to think. This is where the struggle happens. This is where I'm tempted to sin. And there's a chapter or two discussing just this problem, and some possible solutions, within the pages of Introverted Mom.

We're all called to step beyond what's comfortable. You don't have to read too far into the Bible to encounter characters doing just that. Keep reading and you find it over and over and over and over and over again. Stepping out onto the choppiness of the sea of life, our eyes laser-focused on Jesus, is a requirement of all believers. But to be mamas with quieter gifts... gifts of writing, creating, deep conversation, and one-on-one encouragement through notes and small gatherings, it's important to feed a need for margin, or we will struggle to function... to join in creation... a thing we must do, in my opinion, as believing children of God.

The above is my attempt at taking a few minutes each day to get some thoughts out in writing... a little experiment to see if I start feeling like a more balanced individual. Guess what? It's working! Getting the opportunity to harmonize with others on Tuesday evenings is another big boost to my mental and emotional health. In most cases, social gatherings flatten me. Tuesday-night rehearsals leave me energized to the point that I have trouble settling to sleep on the nights I attend. Finding opportunities to serve the Body while quenching our own thirst for joy is a "win-win" as Jamie Martin puts it. I have to agree.